Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
