You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
