I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
