I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize