I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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