Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
