I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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