Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
