She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
