My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
