you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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