i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
