The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
