I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
