When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
