1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize