His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
