I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
