I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
