morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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