We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
