I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
