i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
