how do flat chested girls get laid?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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