Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
