Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
