we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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