I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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