I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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