so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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