I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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