Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
