I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
my poor anus
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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