I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
