Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
