i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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