somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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