i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
