don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
