As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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