Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
