you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
A+ Viking dick
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize