The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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