YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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