Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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