Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
