CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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