I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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