If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
