you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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