I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
