Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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