I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize