PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
