So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
