some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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