it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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