tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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