i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
