I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
