You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
