A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
