I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
