Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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