she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
