tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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