some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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