I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
