Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
