So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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