dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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