it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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