after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
