...so i touched it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
