dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
