dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
