And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
