Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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