My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
