i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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