I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I am morally bankrupt
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
how drunk are you?
Several
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
