So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
