I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
