I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
