Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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