i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
