I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
