Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize