Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
