WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize