Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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