it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize