Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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