Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
