The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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