I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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