remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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