Pants 0. Shit 1.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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