That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
