last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
