Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
