Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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