Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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