thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
