So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
