I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my being single is dangerous.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
