mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
